Mr. Rabbit, Alice, Adam, and Eve all stand up looking around at the new world that is before them. It is cold and night time. They stand in the middle of the woods hearing moans from bears and wolves. All look around to assess the situation.
Adam says, "Where has this black hole taken us?"
Eve responds, " I do not know."
Mr. Rabbit tells everyone, "Be on your guard. If what God says is true, Satan lurks wherever we are, seeking to destroy us."
Alice says, "Well, what do we do then?"
Eve points towards a little flicker of light she sees in the distance and yells, "Guys! Come on! Follow me!"
They all file in following her lead.
Mr. Rabbit says, "Why should we go that way?"
Eve responds, "Do you have a better idea?"
Grudgingly, Mr. Rabbit continues to follow. They are closer now and start to marvel at a miracle they are seeing.
Alice says, "What is that?"
Mr. Rabbit says, "It looks like a flaming sword."
All of a sudden, the wind whirls and blows them to the ground. The sword is no longer flaming. Eve picks up the sword.
Eve speaks, "Oh my gosh, it is freezing! How could this be?"
They all hear an ominous voice. "Oh, hello there. I see you all have found my sword."
Adam replies, "Where are you? Show yourself!"
The voice says, "Ahahahaha. I do not answer to men, Adam."
A black huge body reveals itself; it is a dragon.
Mr. Rabbit yells, "Run!"
They run into the woods, but the dragon is too fast flying through the sky. They will soon be killed if they do not find shelter.
"Over here!" a voice says.
Adam sees the person and tells all to follow him. They do as they are told and go into a hole in the ground.
Eve asks, "Who are you?"
"I am Beowulf," the voice says.
Adam replies, "Wait, the Beowulf?"
Beowulf replies, "You know me?"
Adam tells him, "I am Adam, and this is Eve. God created us first, and he told us many stories of his greatest warriors to be. You are at the top of the list."
Beowulf says, "Really? Pleased to meet you! Oh my gosh, what do you have there?" He points at the sword. "That is the sword of life only given to those working for God's cause in the end of times."
Mr. Rabbit gulps, "You mean the end of the world?"
Beowulf nods.
Alice says, "Beowulf, your name is on the sword! What does this mean?"
Beowulf tells them the prophecy, "It is said that the one who uses that sword will slay one of Satan's greatest and first powers. This person will then lead God's army against Satan's after defeating Satan's first creation: the dragon. I believe the dragon is one of Satan's."
Eve says, "Is that what was chasing us?"
Beowulf says, "Yes, yes, it was. That thing has killed my whole family and destroyed my whole kingdom."
Eve tells him, "It's because you are going to help us save the world from Satan. It all makes sense now. That sword was sent as a gift to us, and we were put here to protect you as you fulfill your destiny to slay one of Satan's greatest powers, the dragon. That sword is for you and you are to lead God's armies!"
They all discuss what to do in the hole in the ground for an hour.
Beowulf calls for silence, "Okay, it is settled then. Tomorrow we send the foul dragon back where he came from! Glory to God and may we see that wretched beast burn!"
Beowulf raises a glass and then all join him.
Beowulf yells, "To our heavenly father and to the saving of our world!"
Author's note: This is the second story in my time traveling series. I chose third person narration because it allowed me to incorporate detail about the story, environment, and characters' dialogue. My main goal for this story was to set the stage for the next one, which will be about the battle between all the characters and the dragon.
In the original story The Arrival of the Dragon, Beowulf is a king and is sitting in his chambers. A stranger that will not reveal his name tells the king that there is a dragon he has seen. Beowulf hears what he has to say and questions the man telling him he will die if he lies. The stranger presents him a jewel that could only belong to a dragon. He then plans to kill it. That is how Beowulf finds out about the dragon in that story.
In my story, Beowulf is one of the last living men in his village and family. His kingdom gets destroyed because of the dragon. The dragon chases Adam, Eve, Mr. Rabbit, and Alice into Beowulf's home in the ground. Beowulf tells them the prophecy that I created, but then the four main characters tell him the piece of information he never knew; he is the chosen one to slay the dragon. This is confirmed with Beowulf's name when they all see Beowulf's name engraved on the sword. They all decide after this to go and defeat one of Satan's greatest powers: the dragon. So, the whole state Beowulf is in before he meets the characters is different from the original. Also, the reasoning for going to defeat the dragon is different. Lastly, obviously all of the characters have never been in a story together before.
Bibliography: The Arrival of the Dragon, The Story of Beowulf by Strafford Riggs (1933)
Hey Ben,
ReplyDeleteI read your other story in your portfolio last week and really enjoyed it so I wanted to read some more stories from you.
I like that you have a very biblical background to these stories but you are also making them very relatable and incorporate the Alice in Wonderland characters and plot in there as well from the first story. This week you included the dragon from Beowulf that added a nice twist. The fact that the dragon turned out to be the good guy and part of the prophecy in the story added another great factor.
With the dialogue presented throughout the story, I was able to easily follow the plot like and it kept me engaged and entertained. This presents a feeling of excitement, encouragement, and hopes to fight off satan so it was important to mesh all the characters together in one story. Great story once again and I can’t wait to read more!
Hey Ben,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed seed your creativity in your story! I really like how you were able to incorporate all those characters in one story and make a really good plot. It is interesting to me how you were able to incorporate and good versus evil where the group fight for the glory of God while the dragon for Satan. I like how the story was set very well to have Adam and Eve tell Beowulf the prophecy of how he would slay the dragon because God told them at the beginning. That was very clever of you to put it that way! I also enjoyed seeing this story leads to the next and makes the reader want to find out what happens next in the story. Also I wasn’t to say good job on picking third person because I do believe it helps out explaining things better to the reader.
Hi Ben! I saw that you commented on my story (since we are in the same group this week). I like the overall concept of your portfolio, and how you were able to tie in characters from three different stories!
ReplyDeleteI think that you have done a good job with this thus far! I just have a few comments that I would like to make on it, though. For one, why would God take Alice and Mr. Rabbit to the Garden of Eden? It doesn't really hit home with me as 'God-like.' If God can create man and knows all things, then why does he need the continued assistance of these two? Granted, it does make for an interesting plot development in the original creation story.
Also, I agree with the fact that the narration style is in the third person format. It does help keep the story cohesive and tell it from an unbiased point of view. But at the same time, I would like to know Alice's thoughts about being twice removed from her sister, since she does not live in Wonderland and instead visits it.
I just thought that I would voice my thoughts on it. Not saying that you have to change anything, but your portfolio has me thinking about it in a good way. Good job Ben!
I thought your story was very entertaining. I liked how you tied all of the characters together from different stories. It made the story very intriguing.
ReplyDeleteI thought the image you used helped give the reader a better view of what the dark hole looked like.
I thought showing that Adam had heard of Beowulf showed their connection to the biblical story of Adam and Eve and also how Beowulf was a well-known tale.
I thought your author’s note was very explanatory. I think it is interesting to see where you get your ideas from. I can see there was a lot of creativity brought into this story.
Your layout makes the story very easy to read. You used a language that was easy to understand.
I read your first story and I did not understand that all of the characters in the first story would be reappearing in the series. Will you keep Beowulf in the next story?
I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hey Ben!
ReplyDeleteWow! I am really blown away by our stories! Your creativity and imagination are clearly seen in all of your stories!
The biggest thing I want to compliment you on are your author’s notes! That is where I look to really connect with the author and figure out all of the what’s and why’s to the stories. Your author’s notes do just that! They are very detailed and they answer any confusion that a reader may have.
I did not see any major grammar issues within your stories.
I also really like how much dialogue you use. I am not good with dialogue, so I do not include much of it, but a lot of your stories are conversation and dialogue, and it works great! It is very easy to follow along.
I look forward to coming back and reading more of your stories on your portfolio! Good luck!
Hi Ben. It’s always interesting to read your stories. They are so creative.
ReplyDeleteI like how you have moved into a new time period with Beowulf and you helped explain a lot of my questions in the dialog. For example, I was a bit confused that Adam knew who Beowulf was but then Adam talked about God telling him stories of the future. Nice detail.
I was also wondering about the comment Beowulf makes about the end of the world. As readers, we know that the world doesn’t end in Beowulf’s time so that means something these characters do helps save the world. That’s very exciting and I can’t wait to find out what that is.
In writing dialog, words like “said,” “replied,” “asked,” etc. be nearly invisible. If that was what you were going for then great but if you would like to add some more color to your writing, consider using more descriptive words in place of them. There are a few websites that list alternatives to the word “said” and I’ve found them very helpful. You can convey a lot about a character’s mood and personality with these descriptors. Here is one of the websites.
http://www.spwickstrom.com/said/
As always, I look forward to seeing where you take this story.
Hi Ben!
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you created this story. It is very creative! I like the idea that the characters are time travelling to fight for God. You have a gift of interweaving characters that do not belong in a story together, together. I like how each of the characters pretty much maintains their original personality or at least a personality of their own and how their actions match it. I like how you have them all interact and finding the sword with Beowulf's name is a nice touch. I also like how you described how Adam and Eve knew who he was. That was very clever! The cliffhanger at the end has me wanting to read more to find out what happens! Great job! I am definitely going to have to go back and read the rest of your stories! I should have started from the beginning!