(possum)
One day a possum named John walks through town to show off his glorious tale. All of the animals stand and stare when the possum walked by. There was one possum though that did not like John very much. This possum's name was Tuck who happens to be John's brother. Tuck never had a full glorious full haired tail like John. John always gets the girls and all the attention. Tuck is not the most popular and feels he isn't noticed. So, Tuck comes up with a plan to take his jealousy out on John.
Tuck told John to come over for dinner one night and to bring food. So, a week passes and the day has finally come for Tuck's plan to unfold. John shows up to Tuck's house and knocks on the door. Tuck has put a flammable grease on the mat outside his door. Tuck's goal is to have John's tail glide over the mat. John walks in, tail dragging in on the mat, and sits by the fire that Tuck has made that evening. They both share in conversation enjoying the evening. Tuck has placed John where his tail is directly in front of the fire. Tuck waits any moment now for John's tail to catch fire.
All of a sudden, John smells something. Tuck sees smoke rising from behind him. John starts screaming realizing that his tail is on fire. Tuck acts like he is trying to help put out the fire, but does nothing. John runs outside rolling on the ground to put the fire out. Finally, after three minutes of rolling the fire and pain John was experiencing are over. John looks at his tail and starts to cry. Tuck talks to him letting him know everything will be okay (as he smiles on the inside). Tuck takes John home to rest.
Tuck finally got his brother back and now he will get all the attention. Tuck strolls into town one day and see John and his naked bare tail. Tuck is shocked though and fins he is surrounded by girls still that sympathize for the guy whose tale got burnt. Tuck then picks up the newspaper that day and sees a story about John surviving catching on fire. Tuck's plan did the opposite of what he hoped. Instead of getting his brother less attention, he managed to give him even more attention by setting his tail on fire. Tuck goes home and is defeated. John called to him though. John told him to come hang with he and the other girls. Tuck couldn't believe it. Both possum's became even better friends through this situation.
Author's Note: I chose the third person narration style for this story because it helped me simplify my writing more. It didn't make things too complicated. My main goal for the story was to have the antagonist fail and for their to be a happy ending.
Why the Possum's tail is Bare originally is a story about a possum that gets his tail burned because a friend doesn't like the main possum. The story ends after the possum's tail gets its hair torn off by a rat and explains that's why the possum's tail is bare to this day.
In my story, I made the animal that didn't like the main possum John another possum Tuck who is his brother. Instead of ripping hair off of his tail, Tuck burned John's tail. The last change is that John ends up getting more attention and Tuck's plan is foiled. John calls Tuck over to him though so he can hang with him. They both start to get to know each other better and become even closer family.
Bibliography: Why the Possum's tail is Bare, Myths of the Cherokee, James Mooney, (1900)
Nice story Ben! I thought it was pretty funny where you had the Possum get all the girls because he had a nice tail. The story was interesting and it flowed well. I did find some errors though where some sentences didn't make sense because you were missing a word or some commas here and there. But I think if you look over it again, you can fix that in few seconds. Overall, nice job!
ReplyDeleteHi Ben! I am surprised that you gave the antagonist a happy ending, even though he didn't deserve. And I agree with your choice of writing in the third person style. It does help to make the writing more clear to the reader. I also think that you did a good job of addressing the changes that you had made in your story in the author's note. Also, I enjoy the pun of the title for your story, so good job!
ReplyDeleteHello Ben,
ReplyDeleteI chose your story to comment on because of the picture you chose. It grabbed my eye and I had to know what your story was about! I like your writing style! It was easy to follow and understand. Can't wait to read more of your stories this semester!
This was a great story! I was surprised at how human-like you made the possums seem! I don't usually like reading stories with talking animals, but you made these animals ones I didn't mind reading about. They had human-like feelings and motivations, which I think helps the reader (me) connect!
ReplyDeleteMy main suggestion would be to add dialogue in here! It's a great storytelling technique. Remember to seperate each dialogue into seperate sentences.
An example of something you could do is:
"Tuck, everything will be okay," John said.
"No," Tuck said and shook his head. "It won't."
Something like that! Anyways, hope that helps.
Hi Ben! Great story. I really like the changes you added to your story. I think it makes it really interesting that it’s his brother who is so jealous of him. I like also that you added that be burned it off instead of pulled it off like the original. I think your story was good and flowed well. Job well done.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way you changed the story around to where the antagonist is his brother instead of just a friend who does not like him. I thought you added a good amount of humor to the story and I liked the way you made it your own. The only critique I have is that you need to pay attention to your spelling of tail. I noticed there were a few times you used tale instead. Overall, great story!
ReplyDelete