(Soldier)
One day a soldier is walking to his pickup location after the war is over. He finally can go home! It is a cold night and he is walking by himself when he suddenly hears something. It sounds like a voice.
"Ohhhhhh naaaaaoooooo!!!!!," the voice yells.
The soldier looks around, but sees nothing. Suddenly, he hears footsteps behind him. Before the soldier can turn around he is knocked to the ground. He sees it is a corpse that has come to life that knocked him down. The corpse stick out its long tongue as it gets closer to the soldier. It keeps getting closer and the soldier has to make a move. He kicks the corpse in its leg causing it to fall. Boom! The soldier gets knocked down again by another corpse.
This new corpse says, "Brother are you okay?"
His brother responds, "Yes, just trying to catch us some supper."
They both look at the soldier and smile.
The soldier looks at them and says, "Bring it."
The corpses run at the soldier, but he clotheslines both of them. They get up ready for more. They both jump at the soldier and tackle him to the ground. The soldier punches one in the face and kicks the other in the stomach. He makes it to his feet and both corpses let out a shriek that would rattle the gates of hell.
The soldier gets a bewildered look on his face. Suddenly, all of the graves start shaking. One by one, corpses rise from each grave. The two corpses look at the soldier with a smile. The soldier now has a limp due to the beating he took. He turns around and makes a dead sprint for his camp he just came from. He's got a mile jog to out run the corpses.
The soldier is running and looks behind him to pure terror with hundreds of corpses chasing him.
The soldier yells to his camp, "Help!!!!! Help!!!!!"
Nothing happens from his yelling. He is about one hundred yards aways. The soldier falls down. The corpses are feet from him. The soldier reverts to the fetal position.
Instantly, corpses are getting shot down.
The soldiers lieutenant yells, "Come on run! We have cover fire! Men fire at will!"
The soldier gets up and runs crying and screaming. Corpses inches from grabbing him, but getting shot down.
The soldier yells, "Nooooo!!!!"
He keeps dodging bullets and explosions.
The corpses keep falling like domino's. The soldier makes it to camp and jumps over the wire fence with a corpse still behind him. The corpse jumps after him, but the lieutenant shoots it in mid-air with a shot gun blowing it back to hell. The soldier made it and will wait to leave with his whole company to head home.
Author's Note: I chose the third person narration style because its just easier for me truthfully. It feels more natural for me to write that way. My main goal for this story was to keep the happy ending with the soldier ending up alive, but make it much more difficult and dramatic for him to escape.
In the original story,The Two Corpses, a soldier walks through a cemetery and gets chased into a church by a corpse. The corpse that chased him runs into another corpse in the church and they end up in a fight killing each other. Thus, the soldier escapes free easy. So, as stated above, I changed everything after the soldier's first confrontation with a corpse.
Bibliography:The Two Corpses, Russian Fairy Tales, W. R. S. Ralston, (1887)
This was a great story to read. I liked the moment where the first body tackles him and the soldier didn’t run away, he instead fights the body. It was scary when he falls and the hundreds of bodies start grabbing him and the lieutenant saves the soldier. You did a great job with this. I didn’t see grammatical errors or confusing parts, so you did a good job editing.
ReplyDeleteAwesome story! I love anything and everything to do with zombies! I'm actually watching the walking dead while doing this assignment so that is pretty ironic. Great writing though! I like how it flowed and it was very easy to read.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story. i could really get into it and put myself in the place of the soldier. I felt like it had the three main parts to a story to grab someone's attention. It was as if I were the one being chased and barely survived to attack. I didn't see anything wring with the story at first glance. Good job.
ReplyDeleteGreat story, Ben! I really enjoyed the zombies but how you called them corpses. I think it adds I really interesting idea to the story and it kind of helps the reader imagine the story and the look of the zombies to call them corpses.
ReplyDelete“Suddenly, all of the graves start shaking. One by one, corpses rise from each grave. The two corpses look at the soldier with a smile.” I really enjoy this quote from your story. I think it really adds something interesting and really helps the reader imagine the story. I think it’s great you made your story about corpses but also about soliders because you don’t normally hear those two together. Right now zombies are in a lot of other thing so I think its great you made your story topical by adding them into your story. I really enjoyed reading this one. Good job!
Hey Ben! I enjoyed your story this week. My favorite sentence was: "He makes it to his feet and both corpses let out a shriek that would rattle the gates of hell." I could see this story being the beginning of a movie. I haven't read the original story, but from your author's note I think I like your interpretation better. Good job!
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